It is fascinating the response I have received to my email (esther.tolmos@gmail.com in case you wanted to know) about the last, perhaps, controversial post I wrote of a working mum versus a stay at home mum.
Most of the emails came from my friends or friends of my friends. I enjoyed reading them so much! Thank you all for your honesty about finding yourself identified with one side of the story or the other.
When I was grabbing for lunch a delicious warm manchego cheese, jamon serrano and fresh tomato sandwich in the new Rustans supermarket in Rockwell, I met a mum from Aurelia's school ISM. Apparently, she liked my last post - although I had no idea she was actually reading my blog- because her husband had lived an experience that "most of the fathers should live to understand that being a mum full time is an unpaid and unrecognised job, and exhausting some days", she said. For the record, she allowed me to write her story and comments, with my own style and a bit of humour.
Her words attracted my attention this morning while I was gobbling up the sandwich.
She has two kids and worked as a lawyer in another country before the family was moved here to Manila. After the birth of her second child and a few months before they started to live in the Philippines, she suggested a silly idea to her husband, a nonsense idea which he would reject for sure: "when our the second child is 6 months old, I would like to go back to work and you could take three months off to be a "stay at home dad"."
The silly idea became real. "We will have so much fun!" her husband said excited to their eldest daughter while holding the baby who just spit on him the first puree cooked apple he had tried to prepare.
Not many weeks after the mum went back to work with a law firm, wearing spotless clothes and carrying a leather handbag, her husband was becoming very grumpy.
The new routine in the family was chaotic! For him, not for her. In the mornings, the wife said good-bye to her husband and kids, after she drank her coffee, brushed her teeth and put the red lipstick on. She had a smile on her face as she enjoyed working again.
The husband, now a full time dad, couldn't finish his breakfast or reading the newspaper ( that his wife took to the office, by the way ) because he had to change the baby's nappy twice in less than half an hour and the eldest daughter, who just turned three, wanted just dada to be with her without the new little annoying baby brother.
He wore the same stained shirts and the same wrinkled jeans because washing and ironing were in the weekly schedule that her wife wrote specially for him but…he just didn't have time!!!!!
Her husband cooked reasonable dinners from the Gordon Ramsay cookbook " Cooking at home" that she bought for him as a "Thank you gift for accepting my silly idea. I love you". At least he tried, if the meals were tasty is a different matter, better than Jolly Bee or Burger King.
One night, when she came home from work she helped herself a glass of white wine and sat on the sofa to have a friendly chat with her husband about his day. He was very quiet though, he even looked pale, perhaps sick? Nope, he was ROOTED. " I want to go back to work", he confessed with desperation. She laughed feeling sorry for her husband who seemed to have lost a battle.
It was the battle about recognition of the work she used to do, a "real' job that sometimes people forget or don't value enough.
She kept working until the end of the three months though but helped her husband at home with the kids, groceries and cleaning to make his life more enjoyable at least until the agreement was over. He even found time to do exercise because he started to organise his schedule better, although the jeans were finally ironed by her.
On the other hand, he appreciated even more than before what his wife did at home for him and the children.
And they live happily ever after…The End.
This story ( a bit exaggerated on my behalf ) reminds me of the fantastic picture book The piggy book of Anthony Browne that I loved reading to Aurelia when she was around four. It is in her bookshelf covered by other school books, and probably with dust. I might give it a clean and read it again. To myself, actually, to remind me that life is about personal choices, good or bad, but yours and your family's.
After the interesting morning I had I came home thinking of what this mum told me ( we became friends after and had a cup of coffee!! ) and what it would happen if I did the same arrangement with nick…Who knows…tonight I just thank her for letting me using her family experience as the subject for this post.
And tonight, I had a simple and light apple and pumpkin soup while Nick was in a work dinner. The jet lag is still making struggles in my evenings with a baby ready for party at midnight. So i am sure i will be hungry in a couple of hours, about 2 am. Good night!
- 2 tbsp olive oil
- 1 medium onion, peeled and chopped
- 2 tspn peeled and finely grated ginger
- 1 kig pumpkin, peeled, seeded and chopped
- 2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and diced
- 1 tbsp honey
- Pinch of cinnamon and ground cloves
- 1L vegetable broth or chicken stock
- salt and pepper and a bit of chilli oil, if you like spicy
- To serve: I had a toast with goat cheese
- In a large pot over medium heat, add the oil and then when it is warm, fry the onion and ginger until oftener.
- Add the pumpkin, the diced apple, honey, cinnamon, and ground cloves and cook for 1 minute. Add the broth or stock and season with salt and pepper. simmer for 10 minutes or until soft ( I used my pressure cooker and it took me 7 minutes ).
- Blend until smooth. Top with a few drops of chilli oil.
Buen provecho!
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