Smoky eggplant risotto with lemon. A personal obstacle of proving myself

When Nick is away from home- which doesn't happen too often, lucky me- I don't eat well because I don't cook, except for  the children, of course. I just open the fridge and help myself with whatever is in there, an egg or a toasted cheese sandwich. Sometimes, I just have for dinner a porridge with some chopped fruit and nuts on top, like I had last Sunday.

You wonder why I go to the other extreme, from cooking like a maniac to be a lazy cook. Well, it is because I don't have someone to cook for and to rate my meals from one to ten- as Nick usually does in sort of a game with Aurelia-. Sharing what I cook and hear that it was a great dinner!, it is one of the main motivations I spend time in my kitchen. 

The more I write about my life in each post of my blog, the more facets of myself I discover. It wouldn't be honest from me not to mention this no-new annoying aspect of my personality with you: I need to prove people than I am good at something -like cooking- even though I am just a little or not at all.

This constant need of acceptance for what I do is exhausting. I wish I didn't feel it or at least I knew how to get rid of it, but I don't know how. Through this blog I hope I will because I am dedicating time to reflex, to think and to change the person I don't want to be giving some space to the "real" me, without personal obstacles.

Sometimes when you start digging inside of you it is scary what you might find but, at the same time, is reinvigorating to be able to transform a feeling that bothers you into words and let it go- I have this "Let it go" song in my head since I wake up until I go to bed thanks to my kids, Aurelia and Gabriel, who are obsessed with the movie Frozen, like most of the children around the world…and adults, by the way!-.

Well, last night I decided to give the first step in this self-therapy: I cooked a beautiful risotto for dinner. I rated a 9.5, no one else did. And I didn't mind the silence after I finished my dinner. I was satisfied with myself...but I still missed not having the risotto with Nick and Aurelia. It was absolutely delicious. 

I am not a bad cook after all. I don't need to prove it. I just want to share it.

If you like babaganush, you will love this risotto because the chargrilled eggplant adds a fantastic smoky flavour, and quite unique, to the classic lemon risotto. If you are not fond of burning eggplants, omit the topping and just follow the basic recipe of Yotam Ottolenghi.

Smoky eggplant risotto with lemon

Serves 4

• 2 medium eggplants
• 1/2 cup of olive oil
• sea salt
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, crushed
• 2 cups risotto rice
• 1/2 cup white wine
• 3 1/2 cups of stock- vegetable.
• grated zest of 1 lemon
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• 1 1/2 butter
• 1/2 Parmesan cheese
• Black pepper

1. Start by burning the eggplants on the stove, directly on the flame and when they are black, place them in cold water. remove the black skin and scoop out the soft flesh. Chop it roughly and set it aside.
2. Basic recipe: Cut the other eggplant into dice. Heat up 1/2 cup of oil in a frying pan and fry the eggplant in batches until golden brown and crisp. transfer to a colander and sprinkle with salt. leave to cool.
3. Put the onion and the remaining oil in a heavy pan and fry slowly until soft and translucent. Add the garlic and cook for 3 minutes. Turn up the heat and add the rice, stirring to coat it in oil. Fry for 2-3 minutes. Add the wine and cook for 3 minutes or until nearly evaporates. Turn the heat to medium.
4. Now start adding the hot stock to the rice, a lawful at a time, waiting until each addition has been fully absorbed before adding the next and stirring all the time. When all the stock has been added, remove the pan from the heat. Add half the lemon zest, the lemon juice, grilled eggplant, butter, most of the Parmesan and a pinch of salt. Stir eel, then cover and set aside for 5 minutes. Taste for salt.